everything

is not perfect around here . . . 


i never want anyone to get that idea


lately i've had the following conversation in my head, 
"do i share that?" 
"it's ok to just post some things that are light hearted and fun." 
"but i also want people to know that life in our home is real and not always picture-smiley-everything's-great-here." 
"what is the balance of sharing?" 
"do i spill my heart?" 
"do i keep things private?" 
"some things need to be shared, they may be an encouragement to someone reading." 
"but some things need to be private, too." 
"i can share the Refining Process God is taking me through more on a one-on-one basis." 
"but, you don't get that with everyone that reads this, so, are you being chicken and not sharing things because you are scared you will offend someone or make them think you are too serious?" 
"but, its ok to choose to highlight the blessings in life amidst the Great Refining Process - that's healthy too - to choose to acknowledge those things. It's ok to post about things that make you smile, to post happy pictures of Daye. sometimes i just want to be light-hearted."
"sometimes i just want to be raw and honest."


and then, i hear God saying
"you aren't responsible for another's well-being or emotions, so 
S . L . O . W .   D . O . W . N .  Sal!"


This obvious chaos going on in my mind is a reflection of one of my greatest struggles: the need to please PEOPLE and the desire to GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT 


So, 
Just in case you were wondering - if I post about something light-hearted and happy, that doesn't necessarily mean that all things in our lives are light-hearted and happy. 
AND
If I post about something that is heavy and heart-filled, that doesn't necessarily mean that all things in our lives are heavy and serious. 


Sometimes things may be serious on here
Sometimes things may be light-hearted on here


And
I'm going to work on not feeling the need to justify why I post what I post because that is an unnecessary pressure I AM PUTTING ON MYSELF that is annoying and exhausting and so self-consuming :)


Have a good night!


(current conversation going on in my mind as I am about to press PUBLISH:)
"sheesh! that made me tired!"
"will I regret even posting this one?"
"did that even make any sense"
"Stop worrying so much - just write and post!"
"but i need to make sure i don't say anything offensive"
"but who is this blog for? the approval of others?"
"STOP"
"STOP"
"STOP"
"just be"
"can we say 'insecurity?!' Just post the thing! It's only a blog!"