choice

If I were to sum up
last year
in a few short words
the summary would be
"I have a choice."

It came in a moment
although
it had been brewing
for probably
my whole life.

But the flip
in my thinking
in this particular
set of circumstances
happened
in a moment
or should i say
moneybags
:)

Abruptly
I heard
God whisper,
"But you have a choice"

and for some reason
I stopped.

"A Defining Moneybags"
it could be described
like that.

I have a choice

I had been caught
in the words,
"I do not trust them."

and
in the burrow
of "why,
why do I not trust them?"
it came down
to the embarrassing
truth
that I did not trust God.

And then
He responded.
He said,
"But you have a choice.
You can
or
you cannot.
It's up to you."

And for some reason
it was then
that I took hold
of the chance
to choose.

And I mouthed
the words,
"ok"
but more tentative,
almost like a question,
"ok. . .?"

Then,
I spoke the words,
"I choose to trust You."

And literally, I was
invigorated.
I was empowered.

So then,
I claimed the words,
"I choose to trust You."

And over the course
of the rest of the day
I walked a little lighter
professing,
"I have a choice!"

I have a choice
to keep analyzing
and critiquing
and having good reason to be cynical,
or
I can choose to trust.

I have a choice
to stay locked on the unpleasant
because this situation is different
because this one it's not possible to move past
the pity
the pain
that which has been broken
or
I can choose to see the Goodness.

Wow
In everything,
I have a choice.

I still stink
at choosing
what leads to Goodness.

I still choose
to sulk
to judge
to compare
to believe the lies.

But
in the times when I do
choose to trust
choose to believe
choose to laugh
choose the eternal,

it's then
that I taste
living in His Goodness;
that
which He
has given me
the opportunity
in all things
in all days
in all the moneybags of my life.

Thank you, Dear Lord
You never stop
giving me
a chance
to choose You.
And when I do
Oh! How sweet it is!